How to deal with a workplace tragedy

For many of us, our workplace is often the one place we can leave our troubles and personal problems at the door, as we get caught up in the excitement and hustle and bustle of each working day. We can sometimes spend more time with our colleagues than we do with our family and we share all the successes and failures of the working day. All these experiences binding us together.

There is often a comfortable predictability in our roles and expectations, even with the highs and lows of the next deal, challenging client or looming deadline. We tend to put on a ‘happy face' and crack on with the day.  So what happens when we experience a tragedy in the workplace? How can we navigate it together and come through to the other side and still keep a focus on the work that has to continue?

Like everything, communication and discussion are vital. An all inclusive work force will aways work better together and also be more united to weather any traumas together.  It is a good idea to have someone who can oversee the wellbeing of the work force. Sometimes staff may also struggle if they are having issues in their personal lives too and this can affect their performance. Early awareness can go a long way.

Be prepared ...

Be in front and be prepared. Have a bereavement support policy in place which addresses legal requirements and your individual company guidance. It may help to offer employees the opportunity to have a say in the creation of the policy. Have regular discussions about the policy and ensure everyone is familiar with it, so that they are already aware of the expectation both ways and this helps tremendously by removing any unnecessary worry or misinterpretation at a time when the workplace is trying to cope with the loss.

Whatever form the tragedy takes, whether it is a death that has been expected following a long illness, suddenly or an accident in the workplace, losing a colleague throws the work environment out of sync and it will take time before a sense of balance can be restored. People can benefit greatly from having an opportunity to share how it has made them feel. They may also need extra support with their usual duties, particularly if working with machinery etc.

Respect each person's reaction ...

Grief and our grief reactions are incredibly personal. We each process trauma based upon our own learnings and past experiences.  Our reaction to any tragedy is totally unique to ourselves and even though we may share similar emotions with others, there is no ‘one size fits all' or ready solution. One of the best things we can do is to bring every one together and provide a safe space for their tears, shock and sharing their emotions. In conversation we are generally comparing our experiences and thinking about what we are going to say in return, instead of fully listening to the words that are being spoken. When we are speaking about how something has made us feel, we need others to listen without comment, comparison or interruption. We also need to honour others with the same respect.

The importance of listening...

Appoint a group leader who can offer a few words of reflection or prayer and can then set the scene to allow everyone to share their feelings. This is important and helps us to know that we are not alone and also it is helpful to hear how other people feel as this creates bonds of support.

Have some listening guidelines:

• Take it in turns to speak and do not interrupt when someone is talking. If someone just wants to listen and reflect rather than share openly, respect this and don't draw attention to it.
• Equally, if someone cries when they are speaking, do not try and change how they are feeling. Just as smiling and laughing are a natural reaction when we are happy, tears are a normal and natural reaction to our shock and sadness.

• It is important not to compare each others reactions as there is no right or wrong when we grieve.

• Let people speak, thank them for sharing and move on to the next person.

The group leader should be the one to go first and say how they have been affected personally by the tragedy and this also provides an opportunity to say what their colleague has meant to them and what they will miss about their usual routines.

Here are some tips ....

Let the tears flow ...

• Please do not touch someone who is crying - crying is a chemical reaction that needs to be allowed to happen. Emotional tears contain stress hormones which is why it is important for the body to get rid of them. The tears release an endorphin that immediately reduces pain and stress. Touching someone who is crying, breaks the emotion and brings the person back into the present moment, and drives the pain and sadness back down inside.
• Men have tears ducts too but as they are more socially conditioned to solve problems, this one of the reasons they are less able to express their feelings of grief.
• Remember - tears are part of the healing, not hurting. Crying helps to reduce some of the weight of grief.
• When someone has finished sharing, let the group leader thank them for sharing. When someone is sharing how they feel, they aren't looking for endorsement or even advice. They are making a statement. They are having a one way conversation and you should just be the ears they can trust.
• Healing takes so many forms, and sometimes just being with people who will listen without comparison or comment and who just accept our words, can be a great help.

The group leader could perhaps organise a collection of donations or flowers and a card for the family. A lovely idea is to create an office memory book to present to the family in which everyone can write down their personal message or their favourite memory. This can be something very special, especially if the career or work was very important to the person. It will also be therapeutic for those writing down their thoughts.

Also, raising funds for a charity in memory pf the person is another great way of coming together and being pro-active through the grief.

Ongoing support ...

Have an appointed ‘go to' person if someone is struggling and needs support. Watch out for any  signs that someone may not be coping well - their time keeping may become poor, loss of care in personal appearance, over/under-eating, signs of alcohol/substance abuse, isolating themselves from the people they would normally interact with. If you feel that an employee is struggling try and work with them to help them though it. Offer what help you can and if you feel it necessary, recommend a bereavement specialist or some counselling.